You really coming over, don't trick.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
