Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
