Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
