Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
