fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
