i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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