God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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