Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
