There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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