A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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