is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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