It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
