Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
