and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
