I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
