Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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