Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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