Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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