dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
