Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
