I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
