You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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