mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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