Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bring me that man meat
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
