Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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