Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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