I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
