Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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