Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
