hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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