Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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