i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
