dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
