I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
