...so i touched it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
