and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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