My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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