So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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