wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
