Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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