So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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