I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
