never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
