He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
