This is not my ceiling
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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