We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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