I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
