Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
