So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize