Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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