Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize