tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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