I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
