what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
