ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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