She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
