420 ftw
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize