I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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