had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
