I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
