When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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