I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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