We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
