I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
