his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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