My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
whose parrot is this?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
