Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
