Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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