next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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