So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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