im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
