i love accidental penises.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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