May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
