He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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