what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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