I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
