You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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