We're facebook friends in real life
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
