You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
